Author: Katrina

Healing Emotionally and Physically

I haven’t written in ages. I tried once during the spring. I’m still keeping up with creativity, just not writing. I have been drawing lately. It has been difficult two years for me emotionally and physically. I am slowly healing and getting stronger.

My block started when my father died. I haven’t been able to write since then. I haven’t been trying to push myself, either. I understand feelings need their own time. It hasn’t helped that I have been suffering from sciatica just after the New Year. I have been putting my energy into healing both emotionally and physically. I have written down ideas for blog posts and my story. I want to write more about my character creation. I’ve also been suffering from writer’s block as I don’t like the scene I’m writing right now. I have decided to start fresh. I am keeping what I have written, and I will use some of it, just not the bit that annoys me. I have gotten to a start with a new start. I have heard lots of advice about not throwing anything away so everything will have a file somewhere.

Physical recovery hasn’t been too easy recently. My back seems better even though I still have pain if I sit too long. I am hoping I can start recovering more during the autumn when the weather cools down. Please take care of your body the best you can. I’m learning the hard way (again) that the back is very important, and when it breaks, it puts on the brakes. I haven’t been able to sit down on the computer chair as much, but luckily I can sit comfortably in other places. It’s a good reason for me to draw! I have drawn at multiple points in my life and am trying to get into the habit again. I don’t have any story-related pictures at the moment, but I am working on them! I have lots of creativity, and it cannot be stopped!

Emotionally, I am trying to take it easy. I know putting extra stress on me isn’t going to help. I have restarted doing mindfulness. For me, it’s mainly breathing exercises and using petting cats as a grounding exercise. I try not to listen to the voice in my head that says I am lazy and I should function like a normal person fully abled person. I will never be fully abled. I would be very happy with half-abled. I find it important to realise where that lazy voice is coming from. It helps me to stop listening to it. It’s not an instant fix, but you can have a big impact on how you feel by changing how you think.

I am also trying to keep busy. I am still continuing my psychology studies and learning more about what it is like to be a human. I am eagerly waiting for the next course to start! I am hoping to get some ideas to write blog posts from my course too. I have a lot of ideas listed, I just need to crack on them.

This post is basically about life goes on. This is also your message to take a deep breath and relax for a bit. Take a moment to enjoy your moment.

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Still alive

I haven’t been writing as much this summer. I’ve had a few things over the summer and most of it was regarding one or another health condition. I have been battling with ADHD this summer. I was medicated when I started this blog and I’ve been off my meds for a bit because I haven’t been able to get an appointment for them. This is basically the state of the UK mental health services, and not just because of the pandemic. It’s been like this for years.

I’ve also been battling with covid and possible long covid or worsening of my conditions. Basically, I have had more brain fog and fatigue since covid. It’s slightly getting better now with time. I definitely do not want to have covid again.

I’m writing this for my sake. I am writing this so I don’t get too anxious about writing my next real post. I have a tendency to get more and more anxious as more time goes past. And this is a note that I will write again when I feel better.

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Writing in Foreign Language

I am not a native English speaker. I do live in an English-speaking country and my main language is English right now. I do find it sometimes frustrating to write in English because I make mistakes. There are things about the English language I don’t seem to get easy. One of them is articles… I hope I am improving, but I think that is for someone else to judge.

So, what do I do to improve? There are a few things that help. Here is my list.

I use software to help. I have Grammarly and it helps with missing articles. I feel that helps me more than anything else. Someone suggested I should use a grammar book. I had a really expensive grammar book but it never helped me to notice missing articles in my writing. Grammarly helps me to identify them. There are other programs like ProWritingAid as well, but I don’t have personal experience with it.

Just write. It helps to get more comfortable with it. I would also recommend getting a native speaker as a beta reader and help you to improve. It will become more natural the more you write as well.

Try a course in the English language. I studied English at university but you don’t have to go that far. There are places like OpenLearn that offer free courses in many languages. Those are really useful to practise your basics.

Use it with others. Get a pen pal or go to an English-speaking group. This is what I did when I was living in my home country. Technically there were two groups in my town, one for university exchange students and the other for people living in the town. These two did mix as well. In Europe, Erasmus is one of the student exchange programs and they offer group activities as well. They also welcome natives. I answered so many questions about the town and the culture.

Read English books. Reading helps you unconsciously to learn. It helps to use difficult grammar, like articles for me, and helps you absorb the language. It also helps with writing. You start to learn how the narrative works.

This might be a little controversial, but watch tv, listen to podcasts, audiobooks, etc. I feel like I get the language being used today best from TV. Languages change very quickly, especially the words being used. We get new words, we lose words. The language evolves. Sometimes I like to watch a specific movie or tv show to get me in the right mood for writing. I try to use older, more formal language so if I watch something that uses similar language, it helps me to be in the right state of mind.

Lastly, don’t be scared of it. It is difficult to start, but if you keep up, it will get easier. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, do the best you can and you will get better.

This is my list of writing in a foreign language. Please let me know if you have other tips that help you!

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Mindfulness

Mindfulness has been a keyword for a while. Its concept is pretty simple. It’s about having awareness and mindfulness in the here and now. There is some research and much anecdotal evidence on how well it works on people. It is often recommended for anxiety, depression and stress management. Some people swear by it, and some people hate it. What is being sold is to sit still, breathe and be aware of things. I have ADHD. I find this impossible, but I do believe in mindfulness. What most people do practise mindfulness, therapists and otherwise, neglect to mention is that it is not the only way of mindfulness. I will share some of my tips for mindfulness.

The key to mindfulness is to be aware of the here and now. This includes what you feel, what you are thinking, and what is around you. You connect to the moment. It helps with anxiety as you can start to go off tangents with thinking and start to get to the bad outcomes in the moment. With depression, it’s a similar thing. You start thinking about the bad things happening right now or in the future. When you are in connection with here, and now, those will stop and help you think more clearly. It’s also very good for stress management, which is what I use it for.

One of the main types of mindfulness is breathing exercises. If you are reading my blog enough, it comes up everywhere. My favourites are box breathing or 478. I focus on the seconds. It doesn’t have to be exact. I think about the passing seconds as I breathe in, hold or breath out. This can be done almost anywhere. I often do it on the train, in waiting rooms, and walking to the clinics. For more effect, I sometimes stop and sit somewhere and close my eyes. It helps me focus more on the seconds passing.

If I need more help than just breathing, I do a progressive muscle relaxation exercise. It follows the breathing too. I start by making a fist, breathing in slowly and holding the fist for 4-7 seconds. I relax and breathe out and do it again. Then I move to the arms, forehead, and mouth. I go down to my upper neck by extending my head back, raising my shoulders, pulling my shoulders back, pushing out my stomach, and then my legs. I do a shorter, more discreet version if I am outside, though. I use this to fall asleep.

Mindfulness can be any activity you do in a day. It can be the act of making a cup of tea or coffee. Focusing on each step and taking in what your senses tell you. I prefer using my cats for this. I focus on how soft they are, on the sound of them purring, the different textures on their fur, and how they look and move. I also close my eyes some of the time. The cats love it too. One of them has a habit of bunting the phone off my hands if she doesn’t have my full attention. She has also laid down on my phone. I get the message. Also, nothing brings more awareness to the moment than a cat butt in my face.

Another version of mindfulness is yoga, pilates, Tai Chi, etc. I love mindfulness as Tai Chi. Slow controlled movements force me to focus on what my body is doing and how it feels. They all use breathing as well as timers. It doesn’t even need to be these three. I have used mindfulness at the gym before I knew what it was. I was fully focused on my form, my breathing and how many reps I was doing.

My message here is that mindfulness can be whatever you make of it. Taking part in a course is good, but not everyone will enjoy it. I didn’t. I tried two courses, and all I got was more frustrated that I couldn’t do it. I hope that my list gives you some ideas about what you can do.

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Writing and Creativity

Ideas for stories are everywhere. You can find them in real life, on TV, in other books, and in your own imagination.

According to the Cambridge dictionary, creativity is the “ability to produce or use original and unusual ideas”. Some of us have more creativity than others. It’s believed that people with ADHD, like me, are more creative than neuronormals. Which I can believe. Creativity creates ideas in your head with a small filter of what should happen, what is realistic or how things connect. We have a little filter between these jumps, which you can notice if you are talking to someone with ADHD, and their, our, conversation jumps from one thing to flower pot, as we say in Finland. This is a big part of creativity, the ability to jump from one idea to another.

These jumps can be measured. I have been told of an exercise where you are asked to write down ‘what can you use a brick for’. So this includes the normal ones, like to make a wall, a fence, a road or an oven. Or it can include stuff like something to step to reach higher, a paperweight. If you give it to a child, it could become a character or vehicle. There is a little filter in our head that thinks, ‘oh, this is stupid, not that’.

For writing, I think it’s important to stop thinking that way. There are no stupid ideas when it comes to creating a new world. This comes naturally to me as someone with ADHD, but I think anyone can create a safe place for themselves where there are no stupid ideas. A spark of an idea can create a world. You can get these sparks anywhere. I got the spark for my series from a tv series. It was a simple what if. What if instead of that happening, what if this happened. That was the start I needed. Then I started to write down a few things, and it keeps growing and growing until it was a full world. Another great starting place is dreams. Write down dreams, and they might spark something to write.

To support creativity, figure out what works for you. I am someone who tends to prognosticate, so I use that as a pro for creativity than a con. I start thinking about whatever is bugging me. It can be a scene, a person. I start to think about them, their relationships with other people or scenes. It usually goes somewhere when I just allow myself to relax and be open to it. It won’t happen if I’m stressed. Some people prefer just to write and write. I’m not the type, but there is nothing wrong with being either type. Knowing what works for you will help you. If you try to do it in a way that doesn’t support who you are, it can make you more frustrated. Self-reflection helps here. Get to know yourself. Ask yourself questions.

I hope this helps to get you to think a bit more about creativity. Most importantly, I will say, try not to worry and stress. Do something relaxing, take a moment for yourself.

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Self-Reflection

I’m not talking about the reflection you see in a mirror or on water. I am talking about being introspective of yourself, self-reflection.

It is a very good habit to have. Reflection isn’t about prognostication or what-if scenarios. It has nothing to do with anxiety thinking either. It is simply just looking at yourself.

Why do I do this in this kind of situation?

Why do I feel this way?

What is going inside my head?

It is a helpful skill for anyone. It allows you to grow as a person. It can help you to react in a way you would like to instead of the way you do. It can help you to understand yourself more. It can help you to find your strengths and weaknesses and how to support them.

I am asked to do a lot of reflection as part of my studies. It is a good skill to have as someone in the field of psychology. If I was a researcher, it would allow me to find how my own views would affect my research. As a psychotherapist, it would let me look at my own reactions to my clients and how I would carry the job. But it’s not just good for psychology. I think it’s an important skill for any person. We are constantly growing and changing. Taking a moment every once in a while to look into yourself isn’t a bad idea. We can take a moment to look at why we have behaviours that we don’t like. We can look into why we do it. But it’s good to balance it with the good as well. What am I good at. How can I grow in a direction I want to grow?

It gets easier with time. I like to use my reflective journal separate from my normal journal. I usually pick a topic that I want to go into. I write down anything that comes into my mind about it first. Sometimes I realise that I think about a particular topic this way because something happened when I was younger. This allows me to take stock of my biases.

It’s also important to note that this is for you only. No one else needs to see it. There is nothing embarrassing or wrong with what you are writing down. All of this just helps you to understand what is going on inside your head. It’s also important to do it in a neutral way. Don’t talk down on yourself, or put yourself down. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You are just getting to know yourself. Make sure you have time for yourself in a calm environment. There is no right or wrong time to do it. It’s fine to do it just before going to bed, just remember to end it on a positive note. If it is making you feel anxious, take a step back and ask yourself why. Questions, like why, what, how, who, are good way to get started too.

I hope this gets you started on your journey to better knowledge about yourself.

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Community and Writing

Writing can be quite a lonely thing. You are holed up in your room, writing away. Having other people or pets can be distracting and interrupt your flow in your writing. Writing is also hard work emotionally sometimes. But it’s not something you have to do completely alone. There are different types of communities for writers and I am going to talk about a few of them.

One of the ones I go to most is the Twitter #writingcommunity. They are loads of advice and writer’s lifts to get to know others and get your own writings out there. You can ask them for advice on things that are puzzling you. I think they are an incredibly supportive community. If you are intending to publish your work, it also shows the tears of frustration and success.

The other is also group meets. I’ve found some from Meetup and from my nationality’s community. We have a pretty strong community and I think the big reason is that there aren’t that many of us. We try to keep in touch and one of the things we have is a writer’s group. Now that world is opening again, there are meetups in pubs and other places. There is a lot to choose from depending on what you can and want to do.

You can also take part in a degree or course in writing. They often have their own groups as well where you can meet with other participants. This is a more expensive option but can take your writing to a next level.

There is also the Discord. I am part of a few Discord servers meant for writing. I literally just went on google and searched for writing Discord and found a few very interesting ones. I am also part of some of my university ones where they are less about writing but more about community for similar people and some of us write.

Writing doesn’t have to be a lonely adventure. I personally think it’s important to talk to others, you can bounce ideas and vent about your frustrations.

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Taking Care of Yourself

I wanted to write this because I am feeling quite stressed right now. Stress isn’t good for anyone. If you have chronic conditions, mental or physical health ones, it can trigger those conditions. For example me, I have t1 diabetes, where stress makes my blood sugars worse. I also have hypothyroidism, which makes my ability to handle short term stress worse. I easily get problems with blood pressure and heart rate because hypothyroidism is closely linked with adrenals. I am also taking glucocorticoids (the other steroids), which suppress my body’s ability to make cortisol. For someone else with mental health conditions, it can cause anxiety or depression. You don’t have to have a chronic condition for these to help you, though!

The other big thing with stress and health conditions is preventing short-term stress from becoming chronic stress. Someone who already has chronic health problems, they already have some stress from their condition. We are more likely to get more mental health problems as well.

That is the background, so what can you do? The answer is quite a bit, actually. For short term stress, breathing exercises are amazing. They activate the vagus nerve, which is in charge of our relaxation. It forces the body out of stress mode. I prefer box breathing when I am outside and 478 when trying to fall asleep. The box breathing is when you breathe in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, breath out for 4 seconds and hold for another 4 and start over. You can find these in breathing apps or YouTube. You can even find them in Alexa apps. This is short term relief, and it’s effective, in my opinion!

If you experience more long term stress, there are things for that too! This is toted so much, but it works. It’s mindfulness. It doesn’t need to be just lying down and focusing on your body. I hate it. I like the one where you can just make yourself a cup of tea. You just completely focus on the task at hand. Other things include taking a slow walk. It doesn’t need to be agonisingly slow, just something where you can easily talk to someone without getting out of breath.

Hobbies are amazing. I highly recommend anything that takes your head away from everything else. It can be anything. I have found this is a few things. One of them was gym! I loved going to the gym. When I focused on movement and counting, I didn’t think anything else. The other is painting. It’s why the picture for this is orks. I have a small ork army that I have been enjoying painting. Some people enjoy their evening cleaning routine to destress. The hobby should also be something that doesn’t hurt anyone. If you feel like hurting yourself, please contact a help number. A text number for the US is 741741, and one for the UK is you can text “SHOUT” to 85258.

The best way is to incorporate these into your daily life even when you are not stressed. Knowing how to use these will help most when you are stressed, and they help prevent long-lasting effects of stress.

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Blocks

I am right now in a writing block. It’s not as much a creative block but just a block that is not letting me write. I just wanted to explore the few different ones that I have got so far.

I have had creative blocks or writer’s blocks. These mean different to different people. For me, they mean that I cannot think creatively about what happens next. I am just stuck. I have identified a few reasons for this. It might not be the same for you. For me it means, I have no way forward. I have noticed this keeps happening when I don’t have an outline. I am a plantser, so I like to write from the seat of my pants and plan a bit. I usually have an overall plot. I have a few points where I need to get, but I don’t know how I get there until I write the story. If I don’t have a point to go to, I tend to get stuck.

Another thing is that I might have a completely different idea of what is about to happen, which doesn’t go with my outline. Until I figured out how to accept and bring two ideas together, I would be stuck. It can sometimes take a bit of time and go from different angles.

Sometimes I just don’t know what to do next, even if I know where I’m supposed to go. Nothing just comes to mind. It feels like my mind is a complete blank.

What do I do to help these situations? With the first one, I would try to write out an outline. Sometimes this does lead to the third problem. If I get any ideas, I will write them down, and eventually, it will become a full novel! Sometimes the ideas are completely random and it feels like they cannot connect, but it does come together. Again, it does connect to problem two.

For the second block, I go visit my world. I admit that I have hyperphantasia and ADHD and I can literally see my world like I was in it. I read what I’ve written, listen to the people, see what is out there. I try to catch an idea from something tiny spark. And sometimes, I just have to start writing and the magic just happens. I think often we are too worried or stressed and that blocks our creativity. We want it to go one way, and it doesn’t want to. We just have to give it time and it will right itself. Just the process.

What do I do when my mind is completely black? I need to figure out why. The first thing I do is take a step back. If I’m too close, I won’t be able to see the problem. The problem might be that one of my characters want to do something else. The worst thing I can do to myself is stress myself out. I cannot give myself too tight deadlines or write every day. It will block my creativity if I have to force it. I will stress myself and my mind goes blank. When that happens, I try to destress myself. The best way is to do something else creative. I love dancing, painting and singing. I just need a creative stress free outlet. So, I do something else. When I am less stressed, I start thinking properly again and I have a good idea.

The best ideas can come from anywhere. I have gotten what if idea off a tv show. What if that happened. I can also do it with my story. What if my main character encounters something weird like a dragon? I would say normally, what-if scenarios are to be avoided when it comes to real life, but as a writer, I find them to be amazing!

Sometimes it’s about a lack of faith in yourself. Some people say don’t this, but sometimes having a friend or family member read your story and most likely they will like it and it will keep the motivation to write going.

I hope this has given you some ideas!

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My Mental Health Routine

Lately, I have been relying more on my mental health routines. I feel like I have been under a lot of stress, with Christmas, covid, my studies, and more recently, my father passed away. I feel like the main reason why I have been surviving reasonably well is my coping mechanism.

So firstly, I don’t think coping mechanisms are inherently bad. I believe there are good and bad ones. I have some bad ones. They mainly relate to chocolate… But I do have good ones as well. I have a selection of good habits where I choose what I need. Here is a list of some of them

  • Breathing techniques
  • Self-care
  • Relaxation exercises
  • Hobbies
  • Exercise

This isn’t an exhaustive list because, as someone with ADHD, I don’t remember everything writing like this.

My breathing technique is mainly 478 breathing, as I think it helps me more than the box breathing one. It helps reset the vagus nerve and allows our body to go from flight or fight to eat and digest. It naturally lowers heart rate and blood pressure. I highly recommend trying different techniques before settling into a preferred one. 478 might be too much for some, especially in the middle of a panic attack.

Self-care depends on the person. For me, it’s certain routines, like skin and hair masks, my normal skincare routine. I prefer using things that feel and smell nice without being doused in fragrance. I get to have a moment to myself, just focus on taking mental note of how I feel and what I need.

I have taken a liking to mindfulness and relaxation exercises. If I feel really stressed out, I will sit down in a calm place and put on a progressive relaxation video off YouTube. As a pet owner, I do take a moment with my cats. I just focus on how their fur feels, on their purring. It can be anything, as long as you focus on it completely. It could be just making tea or coffee and then drinking it.

This is one of my cats insisting on a belly scritch

Hobbies can be powerful too. It takes our minds off what is happening and allows the brain to relax a little. I do a lot of crafts. I can do loads of different ones without thinking much, but every once in a while, I choose a new technique so I can focus more on what I am doing. I am now painting an ork army from Warhammer 40k. I find it really relaxing figuring out what colour goes where and actually painting it. And, yes, I know, I’m a bit of a geek.

Exercise is an excellent way to reduce stress as well. It often gives small accomplishments which boost your self-esteem. If you suffer from chronic stress or chronic fatigue, like I do, lower heart rate exercises are often better to start with. I like walking and pilates.

I urge you to try different things to figure out what works for you. There are free mindfulness programs that help to start with it. I believe hobbies are good to start with. There are plenty that don’t cost too much, and you can find videos on YouTube. It’s how I have learnt a lot.

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