Tag: physical health

Who Am I

Well, today I feel like a vampire. Mainly because I put on makeup and it makes me even paler than usual. I’m already deathly pale because I have to use SPF 50 whenever I think about going outside.

Even then that is a loaded question. To be honest I don’t know. I’m from Finland, but I’m extremely weird. I’m a extrovert. I know several labels I have. I have disabilities. I have several autoimmune diseases. I have even more other health conditions. I have ADHD. I have fatigue. Wait, that’s not a label, that’s a symptom.

I know things I like. I like romance. I like romantasy. I like playing video games. I love cats. And to be honest any furry creatures that are supposed to have four legs. I love dressing in gothic clothes. I love vampires. I like living in the UK and writing in English. I couldn’t imagine writing in Finnish anymore. My mom feels bad she can’t ready what I write. Me, not as much considering how much smut I like to write…

I have quite a few different diagnoses. My immune system basically hates me and likes to attack my internal organs for fun. I also have things like ADHD. These things affect me every day. I have symptoms like fatigue, brain fog, weight gain and sometimes hyperactivity, inattentiveness and impulsiveness. I don’t work currently because my body seems to be running the show. I am the type who hates sitting at home and not doing much. I was raised to be always achieving things, having a job and meaning. I am trying to adjust what that means to me when I can’t do traditional 9 to 5. I try to do things from home, like get my book empire started. I also have couple of other things I try to do as well. I have a Twitch account where I occasionally play different games. I’ve got an account in Youtube for video games as well where I post twice weekly. I do those for fun, mostly. I do them for sake of doing something. I do them for learning new things and I do them to find a community for myself. My Twitch is an affiliate, so watching me stream does give me some income. If you do want to support me, go to my twitch and give me a follow. No need to subscribe unless you want to. Also I accept stickers/sound alerts, etc on Twitch. Some cost points (watch to get points) or spend some money on them. I’m also currently trying to get enough following in YouTube to monetise it. It’s a while away but check it out if vampire or supernatural theme interests you.

The vampire thing keeps coming up. I have loved them since I was a teenager. That’s when I read Bram Stocker’s Dracula. It hit a spot. Being chronically ill as a teenager wasn’t easy. Going to doctor’s appointments and taking medications isn’t something any teenager wants. I got diabetes as a kid. The inject insulin type. I wanted to be free of it. The romance of being a vampire was a little different. It wasn’t about being young forever. It was being not sick forever. Also I want to point out that Twilight creatures are not vampires. This is a hill I will die on. They are faeries pure and simple. I did not understand them as a teenager. I do love the Anna Rice vampires and I did even back then.

What about me as a writer? I like writing about FMCs in difficult situation to start with. The story will be where they figure out how to live, not just to survive. They find their inner strength and external support system they didn’t have before. They learn how to love themselves through the story. There is part that seeing themselves through someone else’s eyes that helps them get out of their own heads, but it’s not always the MMC that helps with that. It’s often friends too. I love found family trope. It shows up in almost every story I write. I like to write about conditions I have myself. I like to write about things I have struggled. I will make a separate blog post about writing so keep tuned for that if you want to read more.

If you like stories that overcome obstacles, have hope even if they start in a bad place, growth and the couple ending together, I am your writer! It’s what my life has been, dealing with health and other obstacles. Try to figure out how to become happy with all of it. It’s not easy, there are often two steps forward and ten steps back.

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Healing Emotionally and Physically

I haven’t written in ages. I tried once during the spring. I’m still keeping up with creativity, just not writing. I have been drawing lately. It has been difficult two years for me emotionally and physically. I am slowly healing and getting stronger.

My block started when my father died. I haven’t been able to write since then. I haven’t been trying to push myself, either. I understand feelings need their own time. It hasn’t helped that I have been suffering from sciatica just after the New Year. I have been putting my energy into healing both emotionally and physically. I have written down ideas for blog posts and my story. I want to write more about my character creation. I’ve also been suffering from writer’s block as I don’t like the scene I’m writing right now. I have decided to start fresh. I am keeping what I have written, and I will use some of it, just not the bit that annoys me. I have gotten to a start with a new start. I have heard lots of advice about not throwing anything away so everything will have a file somewhere.

Physical recovery hasn’t been too easy recently. My back seems better even though I still have pain if I sit too long. I am hoping I can start recovering more during the autumn when the weather cools down. Please take care of your body the best you can. I’m learning the hard way (again) that the back is very important, and when it breaks, it puts on the brakes. I haven’t been able to sit down on the computer chair as much, but luckily I can sit comfortably in other places. It’s a good reason for me to draw! I have drawn at multiple points in my life and am trying to get into the habit again. I don’t have any story-related pictures at the moment, but I am working on them! I have lots of creativity, and it cannot be stopped!

Emotionally, I am trying to take it easy. I know putting extra stress on me isn’t going to help. I have restarted doing mindfulness. For me, it’s mainly breathing exercises and using petting cats as a grounding exercise. I try not to listen to the voice in my head that says I am lazy and I should function like a normal person fully abled person. I will never be fully abled. I would be very happy with half-abled. I find it important to realise where that lazy voice is coming from. It helps me to stop listening to it. It’s not an instant fix, but you can have a big impact on how you feel by changing how you think.

I am also trying to keep busy. I am still continuing my psychology studies and learning more about what it is like to be a human. I am eagerly waiting for the next course to start! I am hoping to get some ideas to write blog posts from my course too. I have a lot of ideas listed, I just need to crack on them.

This post is basically about life goes on. This is also your message to take a deep breath and relax for a bit. Take a moment to enjoy your moment.

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